I introduced the topic of choices in my last blog. As a preschool director, I often see the adults in young children’s lives setting themselves up for a power struggle without even realizing they are doing just that. They often give the child a choice when there isn’t one.
Have you changed a statement or direction to your child into a question? “Zach, we need to get into the car and go the store, okay?” That last word, okay, is the issue. Is it really okay if your child says no? If not, you have set up the power struggle. Now you have to take away the choice, you have to tell your child saying no wasn’t actually a choice. You have misled them, now you have a power struggle on your hands. It should just end with the statement “Zach we need to get into the car and go to the store.” Of course, you let your child know that going to the store would be on the schedule today and that the time was approaching. Young children don't like to be interpreted when they are in the middle of an engaging activity, just like adults.
Do you sometimes give your young child too broad a choice? Do you ask “What do you want for lunch?” Is anything they think of really a choice? Offer two choice of what you can provide. “Would you like a turkey sandwich or soup for lunch?” If they request something else that is manageable, you can choose to offer it or you can say it was not a choice and repeat the choices.
My next blog will discuss how providing choices will help diffuse the power struggle started by your child.
Copyright 2017 © Michele Fortier
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