Are You Creating the Power Struggle ? Part 2

I introduced the topic of choices in my last blog. As a preschool director, I often see the adults in young children’s lives setting themselves up for a power struggle without even realizing they are doing just that. They often give the child a choice when there isn’t one.

Have you changed a statement or direction to your child into a question? “Zach, we need to get into the car and go the store, okay?” That last word, okay, is the issue. Is it really okay if your child says no? If not, you have set up the power struggle. Now you have to take away the choice, you have to tell your child saying no wasn’t actually a choice. You have misled them, now you have a power struggle on your hands. It should just end with the statement “Zach we need to get into the car and go to the store.” Of course, you let your child know that going to the store would be on the schedule today and that the time was approaching. Young children don't like to be interpreted when they are in the middle of an engaging activity, just like adults.

Do you sometimes give your young child too broad a choice? Do you ask  “What do you want for lunch?”  Is anything they think of really a choice? Offer two choice of what you can provide. “Would you like a turkey sandwich or soup for lunch?” If they request something else that is manageable, you can choose to offer it or you can say it was not a choice and repeat the choices.

My next blog will discuss how providing choices will help diffuse the power struggle started by your child.

Copyright 2017  © Michele Fortier 

All Right Reserved

Please do not sell, post, curate, publish, or distribute all or any part of this article without author's permission.   You are invited, however, to share a link to this post on your web page, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and other social networking sites.

Do You Want a Brother or Sister? ( It is not really a choice...)

Gender reveals are an exciting time for expectant parents and their families. When I was having my children determining the baby’s gender was not as accurate as it is today. My husband and I chose to be surprised at delivery. During the time in between my children’s births and today’s gender reveals I admit to feeling that the joy of the whole family finding out together was missing. I am glad to see a communal celebration of welcoming a new addition to the family has returned. My concern is with the crying older sibling I see in many social media posts. Unfortunately, it is a reflection of a common parenting misstep, giving a child a choice when there isn’t one.  

In video after video, I watch parents ask their young child if they want a brother or a sister as if they had a  choice or power over the gender. When it is not the child’s choice they are devastated, often bursting into tears. The parents are bewildered at the child’s reaction to not getting what they want, or sadly find humor in their child’s frustration.  Although their child may actually have a preference, parents need to explain clearly that the gender of their sibling is something the child nor the parents have control over, it is not a choice. A choice should not have been offered.

Are there times when you are offering your child a choice when there really isn’t one? Are you creating power struggles?  More in Part 2…..stay posted.

Copyright 2017  © Michele Fortier 

All Right Reserved

Please do not sell, post, curate, publish, or distribute all or any part of this article without author's permission.   You are invited, however, to share a link to this post on your web page, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and other social networking sites.