Mutual Respect

Mutual Respect

How do children learn mutual respect? Through play!  Child-directed play is the most valuable use of time for a child’s education. Particularly for our youngest children. Child initiated and directed games allows them to create the rules. Children may create a unique game or play a more traditional game such a tag.  They often make up their own rules to determine who will be “it” or what counts as a tag. Younger children often cast each other in roles for play. Together they must agree upon the limits of these roles and the rules. Jean Piaget called this learning “mutual respect.”  Mutual respect is when one child makes a rule; the others agree to follow. At another time, when another child creates a rule, the rule-maker must follow.

We all remember the kid from the neighborhood who well into elementary school was still developing mutual respect. They wanted to change the rules every time it looked like they were going to lose to the frustration of everyone playing.

How do we help our children develop these skills? We stay out of the way!

We don’t schedule a lesson or a class every afternoon.  We allow children just to play when they come over for a playdate; no special craft project or activity needed. If we need them to be in an aftercare program, it is one where they are supervised but allowed to create their own play with open-ended materials and, if possible multiple age groups to mimic the experience of neighborhood afterschool play. If your children are in preschool or childcare, the school’s philosophy is play-based, using a child-directed approach. Children need unscheduled time to interact with their peers a develop mutual respect.

More and more, I see children frozen in the middle of a play-based classroom with open-ended materials unable to decide what to do. Or they state they are “bored” The real issue is no adult in that setting has told them what to do or what to make. They cannot enter a group of peers because they have had no practice. Adults have facilitated all their social interactions.

Keep your children safe, but stay out of their way and let them play!